Wednesday, March 2, 2011

In Which We Become Suddenly Fascinated by Charlie Sheen...

Or, more specifically, totally fascinated with the words that come out of Charlie Sheen's mouth, and the memes that he spawns like a true "Vatican assassin warlock."  I have to admit, until this morning, I had absolutely no interest in following the Charlie Sheen media blitz.  Sheen's largely a non-entity to me.  Two and a Half Men?  Excuse this bit of elitism but, um, yeah, that show is/was some sort of sole surviving paean to a variation on the sit com that should have been culturally irrelevant fifteen years ago.  In the days of my youth, Sheen was culturally relevant.  This much is true.  At one point, Charlie Sheen was responsible for pop culture moments (Platoon, Wall Street, Major League, Hot Shots) apart from seven gram rock tomfoolery and "the Devil's aspirin."  Still, in spite of this, whenever I hear the name Charlie Sheen the first thing I picture is the cracked out juvenile delinquent hanging around the police station at the end of Ferris Bueller.  Now, however, that image may have to be replaced by the spastic image of  a man who spews slang ridden, wordsmithy sentences that crystallize in midair like quotable non-sequiturs from an 80's ironic action hero chock full of braggadocio and misplaced testosterone.  Charlie Sheen is a man who has spent too much time reading Chuck Norris jokes on the internet.  Charlie Sheen has adapted the Chuck Norris jokes to apply to his own life.  Charlie Sheen knows that the best way to diffuse negative press is to twist it into that which makes him larger than life instead of a sad little celebrity victim downing premium blends of erectile dysfunction drugs, cocaine, kahlua, porn stars, and self loathing.  After reading a lengthy analysis of the Sheen phenomenon on The A.V. Club this morning, I found myself Googling "Charlie Sheen quotes."  Next thing I know, I'm watching the 20/20 interview and learning what it means to be "bi-WINNING." There's nothing else to say, we must allow Sheen to speak for himself and experience cathartic schadenfreude as we live the Sheen dream:

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