Guys, I know you're expecting me to rant and rave about Glee's Rocky Horror episode. But, you know, I feel like there were so many things wrong with it that it really just does all my work for me. Ugh. It was dreadful. Really a blasphemous abomination. Alright, fine, I can't hold my tongue, I will quickly run through some of the endless reasons Glee's RHPS attempt fell flat.
1. These kids did not understand a single thing about the tone, timing, or spirit of the show. 85% of the speaking parts were butchered mercilessly and camped up not in the self-aware way the film manages, but in this really sugary, insipid way that suggested most had, in fact, not bothered to watch the damn movie. So many of the lyrics were not landing on the notes they should have landed on. Also, they were trying to gussy them up, and instead making it off key. I could have died when I heard Artie say, properly and blandly "It's just a jump to the left". That kid? DOES NOT GET IT. Quinn straining the Magenta parts of the "Time Warp"? DOES NOT GET IT. No clue what they were doing there. Where's the cheesy Transylvanian accents? Why isn't Brittany's Columbia pitchy? That's the whole point.
2. The tailoring of song lyrics. "I'm just a sweet transvestite from sensational Transylvania"? No. Nearly all of "Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me" = completely edited. Heaven forbid they say "heavy petting". Eegads.
3. Mercedes as Frank. You're kidding right? Maybe I'm wrong, but in the staging of Rocky Horror, if Frank is played by a woman, shouldn't she still be pretending to be a man dressed as a woman? If you're singing "Sweet Transvestite" dressed in woman's underwear and changing the lyrics to "I'm not much of a girl by the light of day" (instead of man), what part of that suggests her transvestism? She's more of an exhibitionist, I'd say. Also, her voice is incredible, but not for that song. Good lord. That song marks what's pretty much my favorite part of the movie. Tim Curry's delivery is divine. It's cocky, cheeky, and full of fey facial expressions. Mercedes can't do this. She took it so seriously it was ludicrous.
Sidenote: The reason Mercedes wants to be Frank is because in a song he sings "don't dream it...be it". Wow. Just, wow. Way to not understand your character's motivation and instead re-appropriate it for your self-motivational cheese fest.
4. The adults were totally inappropriate. First, they put John Stamos (who is not even faculty at the school) in their school play as Eddie. A fairly harmless character, aside from the fact he's a fully grown male cavorting with scantily clad teenagers. Then, Will Schuester, their teacher decides that in order to impress OCD peer Emma Pillsbury, he needs to take over the role of Rocky and don the gold lame man panties. What? His reasoning? "It's not an appropriate role for a teenager to play". Hmmm. Well, yeah, I guess that means that as the sexual object of desire for at least two of the characters, it's definitely a great, super appropriate role for their teacher to play. WTF!? Creepers. Creepers all of them!
5. They manage to build Rocky Horror up and then totally tear it down in the span of 30-minutes. It's basically used as an excuse for bad behavior by the adults and there wasn't a single thing logical about the show. Yes. It's illogical in a completely different and much less satisfying way than the actual Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Bad. Bad. Bad. If they actually let Ryan Murphy remake the movie itself...we're going to have a problem.