Wednesday, September 8, 2010

9-Year Olds, dude.

Things I did not know until today: 1. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith have a daughter named Willow.  2. That daughter is 9-years old.  3.  Willow Smith has mad style for a 9-year old.  4. Willow Smith has recorded a song called "Whip My Hair"   5.  Willow Smith is out for Rihanna's blood.  6. Willow Smith will trounce Rihanna, and then you.

First things first.  This <-------- is Willow Smith.  She's a nine year old little girl.  She is sporting hair somewhere between Janelle Monae's and Rihanna's.  She has put combat boots on over leopard print harem pants.  She looks like she's going into some luxury mercenary business.  Things she also looks like: her father's daughter.  Like DJ Jazzy Jeff picked out her wardrobe circa 1992, and it was certifiably awesome.   You wish you could get away with this, but you cannot.  Why?  Because you are not a tough ass nine year old girl with millions of dollars in a trust fund somewhere.

Second: the song.  "Whip My Hair".  It might be autotuned here and there, but it's, amazingly, not bad.  It's especially not bad when you consider that it's performed by a nine year old.  Nine. Year. Old.  Who can apparently sing (at least better than bleating Rihanna) and has some serious, swaggering attitude.  This is a swagger song.  Haters be damned.  Nine year old haters, dude, F-off!  What is that what, people?  What is the what?  Places this song will get play: the radio, the clubs, on the Hello Kitty boomboxes of 7-year olds, on the playground, before you go out in the evening.  Rumor has it Willow is about to be snatched up by Jay-Z's Roc Nation.  Probably true. your back.  Willow is coming for you.

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