Saturday, June 12, 2010

Sports. They're Happening. Glee. That's Over.

It's really hard to keep up with my quota when everything that's going on is so damned athletic.  Honestly world, your fascination with sweaty men running and skating about is exhausting.  It makes me suffer the ennui.  Le sigh.  The good news is that if you're a citizen of the city of Chicago, everyone is in basically the best mood ever since the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup.  The bad news is that I make it my personal policy to say as little as possible on sports news.  My feigned interest would be nothing if not dishonest. 

What else happened this week?  Not much.  The World Cup is going on.  More sports.  If you're a soccer hooligan for the Dutch  Football Federation, you can pick up this rather clever screaming man 2010 Fifa World Cup t-shirt [via Cool Hunter]...and then not be able to actually catch the action.  Beyond that: Lindsay Lohan's SCRAM bracelet went off at the MTV awards, a lot of people were cast in a lot of movies that you won't care about until at least 2011, and apparently the fickle public is offended in every direction by the "Alejandro" video, which I will continue to enjoy.  Did you notice how I totally avoided post-discussion of the MTV Movie Awards?  Congratulate me for not falling into that trap.  Bonnaroo is also happening.  As we speak, many a hippier hipster in Manchester is waking, baking, hunting down breakfast or sleeping off their 2 AM visit with the Crystal Method. 


Glee ended with a cheesefest.  Journey?  Really?  A Journey medley?  Why am I watching this show?  For the record: I am apparently one of the only people (horrible people, supposedly) who hates Journey.  If I never hear "Don't Stop Believin'" again, my life will be much improved.  I'm so serious about this.  Yes, I'm a fantastic pessimist.  That song doesn't "pump me up".  It doesn't inspire me to sing-a-long. It just makes me want to stop believing in absolutely everything.  Everything.

Other things that would improve my quality of life: no more Matthew Morrison "anything you can do, I can do better" solos.  They're embarrassing to watch and trigger post-traumatic memories of those years when boy bands ruled the world.  Also, it's weird, Glee is the only show that seems to become offensive when attempting to be all-inclusive.  It's like the television equivalent of a too-white suburban grandma or one of those kids who goes on study abroad in college and comes back thinking they're all culturally aware and now have the right to ask invasive questions to strangers with different skin tones or accents.  "Are you from ______?  I spent four months there once. Do you speak ______?  Do you not do/eat/believe _______ then?"  Have you met these people?  Dreadful.  I know Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy are on record saying graduate students are the worst people, but I'm actually pretty sure the title for worst belongs to these people.  You reach a point where your interest isn't perceived as "interest" but instead as ignorance and intrusion.  I mean, who felt yuck during Quinn's pregnant teen = assumed racial prejudice heart to heart with Mercedes?  Or when Artie's big storyline had less to do with his personality than making him a shallow "oh, I wish my legs worked!" after school special?  There's something insincere about Glee, and it's not always in a camp way.

Popular remains my favorite Ryan Murphy high school show.  Popular was mean.  It developed its characters and when the morals happened, they snuck into plot lines otherwise chock-full of cattiness and bad behavior.  The whole show was made up of mini-Sue Sylvesters.  Even the freaks were frequently at Sue levels.  There was risk in that commentary and it apologized to no one even as it demonstrated exactly what was wrong with the actions of its characters.  I was so mad in 2000 when they cancelled it right on a cliffhanger.  So mad that I think I'd like to express myself through a song....

Scratch that. 

Note to Glee: please never touch funk again.  You, just like Vocal Adrenaline, can't do it either.

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