Thursday, January 28, 2010

I Don't Like It: Alice Gets Scene

Alright, I am really not approving of the Disney corporate decision to cater every aspect of the Tim Burton revisit of Alice in Wonderland towards scene kids and mall punks. I like Tim Burton. I like his candy-colored worlds. I'm looking forward to the movie and trust that Burton is indeed one of the only directors capable of balancing the childlike wonder of the story with its inescapable darkness (I also think Gilliam could get it right). I am not looking forward to the fallout that will ultimately arise when the text that I love is grafted and entwined with the identities of the Hot Topic trend mongers who are (as we speak) opening their mouths and preparing for an avalanche of merchandise to be shoveled in. I realize that this is silly and in some ways this fallout is inevitable no matter what, but the 'from and inspired' soundtrack is really just like adding insult to injury. We've known about the whole 16-song compilation album of wonder-crap for weeks now, but alas, here is the Avril Lavigne end-credit theme song "Alice (Underground)". Alright. You're listening, you're listening, it's not bad, it could be worse, and then OH GOD. MY EARDRUMS. THE PAIN. IT'S TOO INTENSE. SO SHRILL! To swipe the response of a friend of mine (though his reaction is to Crystal Castles), I just can't get that far without wanting to stab my eardrums with a mangled paperclip. I mean, what the hell?

But, I mean, it gets worse. I read the track list and I shudder. There are literally only two things on here I could see working out. "Very Good Advice" a song from the animated Disney flick sung here by the Cure's Robert Smith, and Franz Ferdinand doing the Gryphon and Mock Turtle's Lobster Quadrille. I mean, in comparison, this makes the New Moon soundtrack look like a work of pure, unadulterated genius (ok, yeah, also, I've listened to that and it's much better than it should be, I'll admit this). That gathering of artists at least attempting to expose its mopey teen audience to some worthwhile musicians. This....well....this....oh, damn it all. Alice wouldn't approve. I mean, look at this nonsense:

1. Alice (Underground) Performed by Avril Lavigne
2. The Poison Performed by The All-American Rejects
3. The Technicolor Phase Performed by Owl City (previously released)
4. Her Name Is Alice Performed by Shinedown
5. Painting Flowers Performed by All Time Low
6. Where’s My Angel Performed by Metro Station
7. Strange Performed by Tokio Hotel and Kerli
8. Follow Me Down Performed by 3OH!3 featuring Neon Hitch
9. Very Good Advice Performed by Robert Smith
10. In Transit Performed by Mark Hoppus with Pete Wentz
11. Welcome to Mystery Performed by Plain White T’s
12. Tea Party Performed by Kerli
13. The Lobster Quadrille Performed by Franz Ferdinand
14. Running Out of Time Performed by Motion City Soundtrack
15. Fell Down a Hole Performed by Wolfmother
16. White Rabbit Performed by Grace Potter and the NocturnalsI'm commissioning my own soundtrack. For this soundtrack I will hire Patrick Wolf, Joanna Newsom, Bat For Lashes, Klaus Nomi, Goldfrapp, Fever Ray, The Broadcast, Cocteau Twins, David Bowie (because he can do anything), and Air. Maybe, just out of curiosity, I'd let Lady GaGa take a crack at it.


  1. wow, I just wrote about this on love and squalor. I had no idea how much worse it got beyond the Avril.

  2. my first thought was celine dionesque. and also enya-esque.

  3. tim burton is geared toward mall goths. always has been.

  4. nevermind the troll...



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