Friday, September 4, 2009
Things That Make Me Emotionally Conflicted
Paper Magazine is celebrating their 25th birthday with a five cover collection of celebrity 25 year olds. Since i'm just shy of that age bracket, i poured over all five covers to look closely at the folks who are essentially my generational peers. Now, i don't know what to feel. On the one hand, i look at folks like Paul Dano, whose performances in films like There Will Be Blood have earned him a solid rep, and Patrick Wolf, whose musical sophistication is striking, and suddenly feel remarkably unaccomplished. Like, at what point in my education did my drive slow down? On the flipside, i look at Lydia Hearst and Kelly Osbourne and resent the wall built by a namedropping culture whose industry feeds upon nepotism and dynastic legacy. Then, I see MTV host and supposed model Alexa Chung and wonder where i was on the day MTV decided they needed to fill the lunch hour time slot with awkward & goofy teenage celebrity interviews. Seriously, MTV, I could fill that time slot and probably eventually work up to earning you a Peabody. Moving on down the line i notice Aubrey O'Day and am convinced she's lying about her age. Seriously. I never second guessed myself when pinning her for a surgically-enhanced 30-something. Mostly, looking at these 25 25-year olds makes me feel detached somehow, stunted and aged at the same time. With the possible exceptions of Osbourne and Avril Lavigne (and maybe Paul Dano, sometimes), who we watched grow up on television, i can't really form a connection or association (however begrudgingly)with these people. I try to imagine the real 20-something peers in my life and for the most part can't place them in the line-up. These people seem old to me, like they're 25 in an alternate reality (which, in a way, they are) or their biographies are entirely fictitious. Either way, i'm scared. Then I realize that Spencer Pratt, or, sorry, self-appointed King Spencer Pratt (i'm so sure he got this idea while stoned out of his mind watching Michael Jackson coverage, "What? That kid is named Prince Michael Jackson?") is 26 and i sort of lose all hope for the future.