Thursday, June 18, 2009

Have you met Ricky?

Answer: yes.

Word on the streets is that Bristol Palin's baby daddy Levi Johnston is currently attempting to stretch his 15-minutes into a career as supertool and the Official Shame of Alaska. That's right, Levi's trying to go Hollywood.

But wait, that's not all. Levi's got it all figured out, right? According to msnbc.com, Johnston has found a manager in a man named Tank Jones who not only is actually named Tank, but also happens to be an Anchorage based private investigator/press rep. Private friggin' investigator! Don't worry though, Tank totally knows his stuff. Not only has Tank been accompanying young high school dropout Levi on his adventures to the Tyra Banks show around Los Angeles, he's also been offering up valuable advice on image. In what are undoubtedly a few of the greatest news story sentences i've seen in awhile, the People article reads as follows:

"Jones, an Anchorage private investigator and press rep, is counseling his oft-rumpled young charge to think about a more glamorous look and has urged him to assume a playful new identity — a.k.a "Ricky Hollywood" — when it comes to style and attitude. "We came up with an alter ego," explains Jones. "As in, 'Ricky Hollywood would iron his shirt.' "


Ricky Hollywood. Ricky Hollywood would iron his shirt. I bet he would. I bet he would. And then maybe after that he would quit gallivanting around southern California with a name that's only really going to get him porn gigs and remember he does in fact have a child. I get that you want to "support your son financially", Levi, but frankly, I don't think Tank has the chops. You could get someone to ghostwrite a tell-all while playing Madden back home in Wasilla.

If you were wondering what sort of work Ricky Hollywood is searching for, he'll take it all. Acting. Modeling. Reality shows. Tank says they've got offers on the table but i suspect he may have seen Muppets Take Manhattan and is organizing a whisper campaign while waiting for the studios to phone in. Hey Tank & Ricky, i've got an idea! He could film some guest spots for some sex education courses! That could be valuable! Or, if you can get Bristol in on it i hear MTV has that show 16 and Pregnant....

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