Friday, May 1, 2009


Kelis has filed for divorce from hip-hop juggernaut Nas. She's expecting their first child in July and citing irreconcialable differences as the reason for the split. And you're like, why are you talking about this? You never talk about random celebrity couple news. You must really be feeling like all uninspired and shit, to be reporting on such trivial knowledge after such a long absence.

To which i respond: people, i just posted a picture of Speidi in a SARS mask. The end is near. We can blame piggy flu N1H1U-571. It rots the brain like ebola.

No, i posted this because I wanted to use this news to make all sorts of horrific Gene Shalit puns. I wanted to be like "her milkshake no longer brings him to the yard" or "maybe he got too Bossy" or something about it not being "One Love" or some nonsense. But than i found that the Associated Press had already done it for me:

"LOS ANGELES (AP) — The milkshake has gone sour between Kelis (KEL-ees) and Nas (NAHZ)." [source]

With pronunciation, no less! Oh, AP, you clever bitch.

Hope they can settle things without anyone losing the d-diamonds on their necks or d-diamonds on their grillz.

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