Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I Don't Like It: Harem Pants
If you saw any photos from the runway shows at New York Fashion Week, you may have noticed that the 70's/80's Redux is continuing...and now we're recycling the absolute worst parts of it. Really, the parts everyone jokes about they will now be wearing. Quick, everyone, scour the thrift stores for all the crap that usually gets left behind.
Don't know what i'm talking about? A summary: Marchesa is pimping brightly colored jumpsuits with unattractive bows. Marc Jacobs showed a bright pink jacket with heavy shoulder pads that screamed "Tess McGill, wear me!". And Donna Karan? Well, they look like, no, they are the belted jackets my mother wore around the time of my birth. Holy jesus.
The worst part? This is merely an extension of the showings last fall, and thus the offending items are already trickling into stores near you. If you open the March issue of Elle, inside you will find things worse than Jessica Alba. You will find a solid 10 or so page trend report of vomit-inducing resurgences. The shoulder pads. The grandma purses. The Harem Pant.
Yes. Harem Pants. They're back. Surprise! On the Elle website, there's actually a style tip section called: "How Can I Make Spring's Slouchy Trousers Work For Me?"
My Answer: YOU CAN'T.
Elle's Answer: "But that's the beauty of them: They're unique enough that you don't need anything else to look chic. You're the girl rocking those cool pants in a roomful of boot-cut denim and overly thought-out accessories! That's a very cool thing to be." (Source)
OMG. OMFG. zOMFG. You're joking, right? First, i remember the last time this happened, and thankfully i was young enough not to be a part of it (though i did have my fair share of patterned windbreakers as a child, bad scene) and looking back, it's like we made it through a small apocalypse. Thus, i, for one, will not be participating in this trend. Hell to the naw.
When an item of clothing can be described (by fashion rags, not me) as having a "Paper-bag waist" it is not a good thing, ladies and gentlemen. These pants, with their billows of fabric, low slung crotches, and pegged legs will not make you look "coltish" and "long-limbed" (especially if you're short). They will make you look like MC Hammer possibly wearing a diaper. Thus, you know the only people who will wear these pants are tall fashionistas, and ironic-minded hipsters (Case in point: Silence & Noise already offers a slightly more tailored version of the Harem pant available through Urban Outfitters) who will (let's face it) wear anything ugly in an effort to look painfully chic (it only works sometimes).
Don't do it. If you ignore it, it will go away. This is like a gateway drug to a word of hurt. Harem pants lead to a photo album full of bad outfits that you'll be looking at in 2020 and seriously regretting. Think of future you.
Love & Squalor,